Health,  Heart,  Rants

I Need Answers

01/31/2012 /

So, it’s been two weeks since I went through a grueling barrage of heart tests to try and determine why there’s been a decline in my ejection fraction and what the next course of action will be.  And, much to my dismay, I know as much now as I did going into those tests.  Meaning I still don’t know.  Meaning I’m still waiting for test results. And the waiting is driving me insane.  I need answers.  And I need them NOW!

I called the doctor’s office on Friday and left a message for them to call me back. I didn’t receive that call back.  I attempted to call again today and, again, got no where.  So, I’m going to give it another try in the morning.  And if I’m not successful this time, I’m simply going to get in my car, drive across town to the office, and demand answers in person.  I need to know what’s going on.  I need to know what we are going to do next.  Am I going to need surgery to implant a defibrillator in my chest?  I need answers.  And I need them NOW!

I’m trying to keep living my life while I wait, but this big dark cloud is looming overhead.  I’m trying to think positively about things and believe that everything will be OK.  But the negative thoughts in my mind are outweighing the positive at this point.  Every aspect of my life going forward is tied to this one thing.  I can’t really plan to do anything because I don’t know what’s going to happen with my heart.  I am in limbo.   And it sucks.

In the mean time, I’m stuck wearing this heart monitor that has become increasingly annoying in the past few days.  Apparently, I’ve had an allergic reaction to the adhesive and/or conductive gel on the electrodes, because there are big red welts on my chest where the electrodes were placed.  They hurt and itch like crazy, too.  Just lovely.  And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had these blasted things rip off in the middle of the night.  Great way to wake up, let me tell you.  I sincerely hope it’s all worth it in the long run.   I guess time will tell.

For now, I need answers.  And I’m going to get them!

Living with a Confusing Pancreas and a Broken Heart at age 36 #Diabetes #LADA #CongestiveHeartFailure. #MakeDiabetesVisible Creator, #ALittleHeartCanDoBigThings Creator, Advocate, Blogger, Nature Photographer.

12 Comments

  • k2

    01/31/2012 at 7:32 pm

    Mike –
    I know it’s frustrating and I’m sending lots of love and strength your way!
    HUGS
    Kelly

  • Raquel

    01/31/2012 at 9:00 pm

    Sending you a big *hug* Mike…I hope you get the answers you so desperately need!

  • Jess

    01/31/2012 at 9:00 pm

    i am so sorry, friend. uncertainty is so very hard. sending lots of love your way!

    and i’ve had allergic reactions to adhesive before. ouch!

  • Kelly Booth

    02/01/2012 at 8:29 am

    I hate when these doctor’s offices don’t call us back. You should call them and tell them you are having an allergic reaction to the monitor and need to see the doctor ASAP – that should get you both in and some answers. I hope you find out something soon!

  • Mike Hoskins

    02/02/2012 at 3:50 pm

    Mike: I’m sorry to hear about this… know I’m a couple days late on the responses here, and hope you’ve gotten some answers by now. That’s ridiculous – they should at least have the common courtesy to give you a call back, regardless of the results. I have you in my thoughts, my friend.

  • Scott S

    02/10/2012 at 9:29 am

    Mike,

    Uncertainty is far worse from a psychological standpoint than having a definitive answer, so I can empathize with your current situation. I hope you will receive some clarity in terms of your situation very soon.

    Regards,
    Scott S