Doctor Visits,  Health,  Heart,  Life

Bad News from the Cardiologist

12/11/2011 /

I’ve been struggling with writing this post since I got home Friday night, trying to find the right way share the news I got at the Cardiologist that morning.  There really isn’t a good way or good time to disclose bad news, so, I’ll give it to you straight. No sugar coating, no bullshit.

My appointment on Friday was scheduled so that I could get the results of the most recent round of tests the doctor had ordered.  The results of the Echocardiogram, or ultra sound of the heart, were not only bad, they were shocking.  And might I add, damn right disheartening.

The results indicated that my ejection fraction, which measures the amount of blood pumped out of the heart during each contraction, is down to 35% again.  That’s exactly where it was when I was diagnosed on December 29, 2008.  And it’s disheartening to hear that because I was at nearly 60% just a year ago.  And even more troubling is the fact that we don’t know why.

I take a metric shit ton of medications every day to fight this battle with congestive heart failure.  These are the best and strongest medications available for treating this condition.  I eat well, I get as much exercise as my heart will allow, and generally do what I’m suppose to in order to continue making progress.  And come to find out, it’s evidently not working.   That, my friends, is disheartening.  It begs the question, why bother?

Now, don’t take that statement as any indication that I’m giving up.  Quite the contrary.  There’s a hell of a lot of fight left in me.  But I just don’t get it.  I don’t understand. I don’t know what to think, to feel, to believe.  I’m at a loss.

The next step is to undergo more intensive (read invasive) testing to try and determine what’s going on now, and what the best course of treatment might be going forward.

Right now, I’m as scared of this shit as I was when I was diagnosed. If not a little more so.  I have a lot of questions to which I have no answers.  And what I don’t know can and will kill me.  That’s not negativity, that’s the reality of this situation.  I only pray that we find the answer soon, and that there’s enough fight and strength left in my body to climb this mountain one more time.

Many thanks to all of you who have offered well wishes, hugs, support, thoughts and prayers.  I truly appreciate them all.   Lots of love, my friends!

Living with a Confusing Pancreas and a Broken Heart at age 36 #Diabetes #LADA #CongestiveHeartFailure. #MakeDiabetesVisible Creator, #ALittleHeartCanDoBigThings Creator, Advocate, Blogger, Nature Photographer.

19 Comments

  • alexis

    12/11/2011 at 10:44 pm

    Oh Mike, I. Wish had i had adquate words. Please know you are always in my thoughts and prayers.

    Love you friend!! (((((Hugs))))))

  • kerri

    12/11/2011 at 11:44 pm

    We’ve talked on this a fair bit in the last few days, so you’ve heard a lot of the words I have to say.
    But, I’ll say it one more time: Just let me know if you need anything and we’re here for you, Mike.

    Love and hugs. <3

  • Dennis Olson

    12/12/2011 at 12:51 am

    Mike,

    Thanks for your post. I don’t know you but after reading your post feel a connection with you. Will keep you in my prayers and will check back to follow your progress.

  • PrincessLadyBug

    12/12/2011 at 12:57 am

    I’m just at a loss for what to say. I’ve reached out to everyone I know & asked for prayers in your name. And I’ve asked them to reach out to everyone they know.

    At this point the only words I can come up with are pretty simple, but they are from the bottom of my heart…

    I love you!

    Also, I’m not done with you yet. Probably won’t be for another good 80 years. So you just better straighten up & fly right buddy. That’s an order. 😛

  • Sarah/@smartDpants

    12/12/2011 at 1:11 am

    Sending you tons of good well-wishes and making strong intentions to the universe in honor of you and that heart of yours. Much love and laughter to you, even (& especially) in the days when the questions are huge and answers still hidden. Always love, and some laughter to help as well. You are in my thoughts.

  • Jaimie

    12/12/2011 at 2:38 am

    Sending prayers and Love your way Mike! ((HUGS)) … I wish I had something wise to say… I LOVE YOU! xo

    “Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.”

  • Jamie

    12/12/2011 at 8:02 am

    Mike, I am struggling.with finding the right words here without sounding trite or insincere. I have written and deleted this message again and again, but it boils down to two simple thoughts. I’m praying for you with every ounce of my heart and soul for you and the second thing, is a huge {{{HUG}}}

  • Kate

    12/12/2011 at 9:37 am

    Oh Mike, this just sucks and I’m sorry. I mentioned on Twitter that my husband has heart disease so I know just how disheartening this type of news can be (you two have matching ejection fractions). Why is one of the hardest questions to deal with when it comes to diabetes and heart conditions. Why, when you’ve worked so hard? I know that you will keep up the good fight and things will improve again. Yup, they will. Sending hugs.

  • Kim

    12/12/2011 at 10:35 am

    You are in my thoughts, Mike. What frustrating and concerning news – but I know that if anyone is capable of doing what it takes to improve this situation, it’s you. We’re here for you!

  • k2

    12/12/2011 at 10:49 am

    Mike –
    Thanks for sharing what your going through with the DOC. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I’m here if you need me!
    Continue to take the “bull by the horns” and do what you have to, and know that we love you and have your back!

  • Jenny

    12/12/2011 at 2:34 pm

    Wow, sorry to read the news. I can only repeat what’s already been said; here for you, bro.

  • Mike Hoskins

    12/15/2011 at 12:39 am

    Mike, my friend… I too am very bummed to hear about this. Like the others, I’m at a loss and struggling to find the write words to write here. But I know that you are doing and will do what’s needed, and I send my prayers and wishes your way in whatever way that might help. It’s not a consolation, but sometimes there’s only so much that we men and women can do… the rest is up to someone else who’s pulling the strings. Please don’t hesitate to let me know if there’s ANYTHING you need. After all, I’m only a couple hours away. Best your way, bud.

  • Stacey D.

    12/15/2011 at 4:52 pm

    I’m a little late in responding to your post but wanted to remind you that you have many friends out there who care and are praying for you. I’m hoping you get the answers you need. And deserve.You’re in my thoughts.

  • Mike

    12/15/2011 at 6:58 pm

    Shit.

    Pardon my language, but it’s the first thing that came to mind and the most accurate way of saying what I want to say. I know that you’ve been working hard and I can only imagine how frustrating this is. Your weight loss has been inspirational, and I know that you’re headed in the right direction. Just keep your head up, man. I hope you know that we’re here for you.