My Diabetic Heart

Living with Congestive Heart Failure and Type 2 Diabetes

WELCOME TO My Diabetic Heart!

Type 2 Diabetes and Congestive Heart Failure are two common conditions that people are diagnosed with every day. Living with one of these conditions at any age is hard enough; imagine living with both at the age of 28. That's what this blog is all about. It's about my life with Type 2 Diabetes and CHF, and about showing that you can live a fulfilling life with each.

6
Oct

A Lecture for the Doctor

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When I went to see my doctor Monday morning for a routine checkup, I went with the expectation that I would be receiving a lecture about my blood glucose numbers being higher than she would like and about my A1c rising to 7.4.  I had intentionally called for the result last week just so I would know what to expect from the doctor when I saw her.  Paranoid much?  No, I just know my doctor.  And my expectations of receiving a lecture would have been met had I not prepared one of my own.  And it went something like this:

“I been battling with type 2 diabetes and congestive heart failure for nearly three years, all the while trying to balance my care with working a crazy night shift 50+ hours a week, the stresses of trying to figure out how the hell to pay all of my bills, pay the co-pays for doctor visits & more than 10 prescriptions, and still have money for food.   And by the way, the last year has been spent dealing with April’s mother being diagnosed with stage 4 uterine cancer and all of the hell that goes along with such a diagnosis.  YOU try living with all of that and see how well you do with maintaining good diabetes management all the time.  Then come talk to me!”

Yes, I had something of an emotional fit in the doctor’s office and it ended with my telling the doctor in no uncertainly terms that  “I’m doing the best that I can considering the hell that I’m going through right now, but I’m beyond tired of all of it.  I’m f**king Burnt Out!”

Would you believe that I felt much better after getting all that off my chest?  Sometimes, you just have to let the frustration out.

After my rant was over, and the doctor stopped looking at me in shock, she suggested we adjust increase the dosage on my Byetta to the full 10mcg dose, which should have been done a couple of months ago, and she also thought it necessary to increase the dosage on my blood pressure medication.  Gee, I wonder why.  And, of course, before I left the office, I got the usual ‘try and take care of yourself and we’ll see how things are in a few months” talk.

And that’s what I’ll do.  I’ll keep taking my medications, trying to eat well, and doing the best I can to care for myself. And everything else!

 

  1. on October 6th at 06:04 pm
    J.A. Neitzel said:

    Excellent rant! That said, I kinda wonder… Can a doctors truly understand their patients w/ Diabetes (D) if they don’t live w/ it themselves? My guess is that maybe they can’t, but I’m willing to be wrong. In any case, we’re our own doctors in the end since we live & breathe it 24/7.

    IMO, a doctor & patient relationship should ideally be a shared learning adventure that appreciates that nobody’s D is perfect. Life w/ D is alway a work in progress (like any other life is). All we can do is try our best from one moment to the next in this universe of ours.

    Or we could all move to Mars where those groovy Martian Folk have already cured D… ;^)

  2. on October 6th at 07:20 pm
    tmana said:

    “Try and take care of yourself” is a pretty innocuous and expected parting greeting. Your doctor knows in theory what you’re going through and really does seem to care; it’s just hard to express that AND all the other information in the fifteen-minutes-or-less she gets to review your chart, see you, mark down any needed changes in your therapy, verify that your insurance will cover them, and code everything so your insurance pays whatever part of your care it covers.

    That said, sometimes the breakdown-in-the-doctor’s-office is just what both the doctor, and the patient, needed.

  3. on October 6th at 07:25 pm
    PrincessLadyBug said:

    ((((((Mike))))))

    You are my hero! And you’re doing a damn good job! Never forget that.

    Also, I love you! :D

  4. on October 6th at 09:29 pm
    Deejay said:

    That’s pretty badass that you said that to the doc, damn! Awesome!



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My Diabetic Heart by Mike Durbin is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.

Featured Post

An Appointment Worth the Wait
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After nearly two months of waiting for the appointment, I finally got to see the cardiologist on Friday to review the results of the cardiac MRI, blood work, and 30 day heart monitor that I had to endure in an effort to determine why there had been a decline in the function of my heart and if I would need a defibrillator.

I woke up late and had to scramble to get ready and head out to the medical center on the other side of town.  Normally if I’m in a rush and stressed like that it shows up when the nurses check my blood pressure, etc.., but not this visit.  My BP was normal and by the time the doctor came in to see me, I was oddly peaceful.

To my relief, the doctor confirmed that the cardiac MRI  indicated that my ejection fraction is at 47%. That is in stark contrast to the 35% that previous tests had indicated. And since defibrillators generally aren’t prescribed for patients with ejection fractions over 36%, that means I will not need one.  The doctor stated that a normal ejection fraction is around 55%, and since mine is 47%, he considers the weakness of my heart muscle to be mild.  Since I’m already taking the best medications for treating congestive heart failure and improving heart strength, the doctor wants to continue with the regimen that I’m on now and see how things progress.

The results of the blood work done to check my potassium, iron, thyroid, etc… all came back within the normal ranges.  While I’m thankful that those results were good, they are also frustrating because we were hoping to find a treatable cause for the decline, like an iron overload or something like that.  Alas, there’s no evidence of that, and I’m really not going to spend much time dwelling on it.

There were a few points of interest on tapes from the heart monitor I wore for a month, but the doctor said they seemed to indicate normal elevations in heart rate that anyone can expect from time to time.  Nothing to really worry about.

I can’t begin to explain how glad I am to finally have some of the answers that I needed, and how thankful I am that the results from the tests were worth the grief I endured going through them.  And as frustrating as the wait has been, it’s been worth it.

As for that odd peaceful feeling I was feeling on Friday?  It’s still with me as I write this.  I’m more at peace with things now than I have been in a long time.  And, along with the improvement in how I’m feeling mentally, I’m also feeling better and stronger physically.  And that, my friends, is saying something.

And speaking of friends, I can’t begin to say how much I appreciate the love, support, good thoughts and prayers that I’ve received from everyone in the Diabetes Online Community over the last few months.  If there were any doubts in my mind as to whether I’m loved or not, they are long gone.  To all of you:  Thank You, and Lots of Love, my friends!

 

Popular Post

It’s OK to Need Help
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In previous blog posts and conversations over the last two years, I’ve made no bones about the fact that I’ve battled with bouts of depression and anxiety since I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and type 2 diabetes.

The daily routines of medications, blood sugar testing, meal planning, and other related bullshit, combined with the constant worry of trying to figure out how to pay for all of those medications and testing supplies, are simply overwhelming at times.

Add to that all of the typical stuff that goes along with every day life, you know… work, bills, chores, relationships, etc… and you’ve got yourself a great big barrel of fun.

Then top that off with dealing with a loved one being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and going through all of the activities and emotions that go along with that, and being forced to put a near 9 year relationship on hold while your best friend becomes the primary caregiver for that loved one, and that great big barrel of fun transforms into the biggest clusterf*#K you’ve ever seen.

It’s all enough to destroy someone mentally. And the extreme mental hurt quickly manifests into extreme physical hurt. And you eventually reach a point where you just can’t take it anymore, and feel like throwing the towel in.

As difficult as it is for me to admit, I reached that point in the early part of February.

And the hard part is that I know it didn’t have to happen. I had a little bottle of “happy” pills in my possession that my doctor had given me the month before. I just wasn’t able to take them immediately, because I was starting a new blood sugar medication and had to get through the side effects of it before starting the other medicine.

And then when it was time to start the Celexa, I kept putting it off and putting it off, because of the fear that I’d have the same problems with it that I had with similar drugs years before. When you’ve had a bad experience with medications, or anything for that matter, you tend to shy away from them. It’s perfectly normal to have those feelings.

Things finally reached a point in early February where I knew I needed help, and knew that I had to take the plunge into the world of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications again. And so, on the 21st of last month, I broke the seal on the prescription bottle, cut the little pill in half as the doctor had instructed, and jumped.

Tomorrow, March 21st, will mark a month since I started the medication, and I can honestly say that I’m glad I did. I’m not nearly as edgy as I had been, and feel quite mellow most of the time. And mellow is a good thing.

The moral of this story is this: It’s OK to need help; You just have to ask for it!

Recent Comments

Mike Hoskins

Thanks for being awesome, Mike! Not only was it very cool you let me borrow the pin, but it was great sitting and talking for a bit before getting back on the road. And Riley loved seeing you again! The pin on my collar did spark some conversation, too - so thanks, my friend!!

Kate

Yay Mike! Thanks for these links. Heading over to both blogs now!

Ashley

When I decided to keep blogging, I never thought I'd end up being able to help my favorite Jedi Master get on the lizard spit wagon but I'm so glad I was able to help. Love ya buddy.

Mike Hoskins

Thanks for the links to two such awesome people, Mike! Loved hearing all the cool diverse stories of how we got into the DOC, and seeing the wonderful personalities up close and personal whenever that chance arises! Great post, my friend.