• Confessions of a broken man

    Broken and wore out.  That’s just how I feel.  Ashamed and guilty, too. For a the better part of the last year there has been a dark cloud around me.   One death of a loved one right after another, and other family and personal issues left and right. More and more, I’ve had thoughts of suicide overwhelming my mind.  I don’t think I really want to die.  I just want to stop hurting all the time.  While I don’t feel that I have the courage to actually pull the trigger or push the plunger on a syringe or act on a dozen other means that I’ve thought about, I don’t know for sure.    Depression lies.  It makes you think and…

  • 30 things about my Invisible Illnesses – Revisited

    So, today is World Diabetes Day, and in honor of that fact I thought I’d take the time to revisit the 30 things about my invisible illness meme that I’ve shared in the past.  It’s been a couple of years since I last updated that and there have been some changes in my routine and way of thinking.  So, it’s time for an update.  Here we go! The illnesses I live with are: Type 2 Diabetes & Congestive Heart Failure I was diagnosed with them in the year: 2008 But I had symptoms since:   Longer than I really care to admit.  Looking back, I probably had the symptoms of type 2 diabetes for at least a few years before…

  • Trying to Fix Me

    The better part of the last year, since watching my aunt die of cancer on July 27, 2013, has been a real struggle for me mentally. That experience pretty much blew open Pandora’s box of “why bother?” demons and poured them all over my head. While I’m no stranger to fighting those demons, this time has been different. This time, I’ve been losing that fight. I haven’t had the drive to care for myself as I have been. For almost 5 years, I’ve thrown myself head first into my treatment and management routines. Always on top of things. Yet there are now large gaps in my glucose logs. And other lapses that just aren’t normal for me. Let alone healthy.…

  • From the Archive: You Can Do This

    It’s been 3 years since I first recorded and shared this video.   And if I’m honest, it’s probably been 2 years since I last watched it.  I was looking back through the archives this evening and spent some time watching this video and reflecting on where I was at that time and where I am today.  A lot has changed since then, but the messages shared in that video have not lost their importance.  I’m sharing the video again with the hope that someone will benefit from watching it. So, here is my contribution to the You Can Do This Project, which is the brain child of Kim over at Texting My Pancreas . The video is kind of…

  • A Belated 5th Blogiversary

    So, it’s seems that in the hustle and bustle of the last month, I managed to overlook the fact that my blog turned 5 years old.  And I think it’s worthwhile to stop and briefly note the occasion, even if after the fact. My Diabetic Heart was officially launched on May 11, 2009. That’s five years of sharing my life with type 2 diabetes and congestive heart failure with the world.  Sharing both my victories and my defeats, showing what it’s really like to live with these conditions.  Sharing the message that it is possible to live well with both.  And that there is no shame in being diagnosed with them. So, here’s to 5 years of blogging about diabetes…