• Confessions of a broken man

    Broken and wore out.  That’s just how I feel.  Ashamed and guilty, too. For a the better part of the last year there has been a dark cloud around me.   One death of a loved one right after another, and other family and personal issues left and right. More and more, I’ve had thoughts of suicide overwhelming my mind.  I don’t think I really want to die.  I just want to stop hurting all the time.  While I don’t feel that I have the courage to actually pull the trigger or push the plunger on a syringe or act on a dozen other means that I’ve thought about, I don’t know for sure.    Depression lies.  It makes you think and…

  • My Heart has a Cell Phone, Again

    On Monday I went for the appointment with the nurse practitioner at my cardiologist’s office.  As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been dealing with some weird heart palpitations and breathing issues, etc…, and it has been quite a while since I’ve have any tests done, so it was time for the visit. The NP noted my issues and, after consulting with another cardiologist at the practice, decided that I should wear a heart monitor for a month to see if we can document the issues I’m having.   So, once again, my heart has a cell phone. It was also decided that I should undergo a cardiac MRI in order to get a better idea of how well my…

  • Appointments made

    On Monday I finally heard back from my doctor’s office about why they were trying to get in touch with me last week. They had test results to share, and to tell me that I needed to make appointments with my cardiologist and a new doctor, a urologist. I’ve been dealing with some weird heart palpitations, breathing issues, etc and pain as of late. I had addressed this with my PCP when I saw her and she ordered an EKG. Based on the results, and the fact that I haven’t seen him in a year, I was told to make an appointment with my cardiologist. Well, he’s out of the office until March, so I’ll be seeing his nurse practitioner…

  • On Better Footing

    During the appointment with my doctor on Oct. 14th, one topic of discussion centered around some pain and tenderness I’ve been experiencing in my feet and legs. We talked about neuropathy, shin splints, arthritis due to several injuries, and blood clots as potential causes.   The doctor prescribed a Neurontin regimen to help with the pain and sent me for an arterial doppler to check the circulation in my legs. Dr. C. also noted that the arch in my left foot was collapsed and recommended that I visit a pedorthist for an evaluation and to have custom inserts made for my shoes. I did so the following Friday. I had heard a lot of good things about Fred Toenges Shoes and…

  • Unexpected results

    Last Thursday I went to the outpatient lab at one of the local hospitals to have blood drawn for an A1c and other routine tests.  I did so in preparation for an appointment with my primary care doctor that I had scheduled for Monday morning. I had been dreading that appointment because I just knew for sure that the results of my A1c and basic metabolic panel (BMP) would be FUBAR due to the chaos of the previous few months.  And I was fully expecting to catch hell from my doctor as a result.  Much to my relief, neither of those things occurred. I was quite surprised when the doctor handed me the lab results and I saw that my…