• Cartoon: Off the wagon

    The road of life isn’t always smooth.  It’s often rough and rugged.  And sometimes, as we’re traveling along, we hit a series of bumps and ruts so treacherous that every aspect of our lives is interrupted.  We’re completely shaken.  We lose our balance.  And we find ourselves laying in a deep, muddy rut in the road.  We’ve fallen off the wagon.  And soon everything is out of control.  We have to get back up. And that’s easier said than done.  I know, I’m there now.  Lying in that rut, struggling to get back up.  

  • Confessions of a broken man

    Broken and wore out.  That’s just how I feel.  Ashamed and guilty, too. For a the better part of the last year there has been a dark cloud around me.   One death of a loved one right after another, and other family and personal issues left and right. More and more, I’ve had thoughts of suicide overwhelming my mind.  I don’t think I really want to die.  I just want to stop hurting all the time.  While I don’t feel that I have the courage to actually pull the trigger or push the plunger on a syringe or act on a dozen other means that I’ve thought about, I don’t know for sure.    Depression lies.  It makes you think and…

  • Trying to break the bonds

    They say that the first step in solving a problem is admitting that you have a problem.   As difficult as it is for me to do so, I must take this step so that I can begin the process of getting back to being myself. The last couple of months have been a real struggle.  Watching my aunt die really messed me up mentally, and stirred the “why bother?” demons that I’ve fought with off and on since diagnosis. I’ve been losing that fight the last 2 months and have finally admitted to myself, and now everyone else, that: I’m Burned out and Overwhelmed, and that has led to Neglect in my self-care & management of the Diseases I live…

  • Diabetes Art Day: The Garden of Pain

    Today is the 3rd annual Diabetes Art Day, and I’m proud to be able to participate and support this worthwhile event.  This year, I’ve strayed away from the community theme that I ran with previously.  The idea for this creation came from another project that I had started a few months back, was extremely excited about, and then it fell apart.  It happens.  But the idea stuck around.  And after a visit to a sculpture garden in while in Des Moines for TCOYD this past weekend, I was inspired to move forward.   So, I give you “The Garden of Pain”.  Diabetes can be a very dark, lonely, and painful disease.

  • Another look: It’s OK to Need Help

    This post was originally written in March 2011.  At the time I was going through a rather rough bout of depression, was struggling to get a handle on things, and ultimately made the decision to seek help.  Given that May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I thought this was worth another look. In previous blog posts and conversations over the last two years, I’ve made no bones about the fact that I’ve battled with bouts of depression and anxiety since I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and type 2 diabetes. The daily routines of medications, blood sugar testing, meal planning, and other related bullshit, combined with the constant worry of trying to figure out how to pay for all…