The better part of the last year, since watching my aunt die of cancer on July 27, 2013, has been a real struggle for me mentally. That experience pretty much blew open Pandora’s box of “why bother?” demons and poured them all over my head.
While I’m no stranger to fighting those demons, this time has been different. This time, I’ve been losing that fight. I haven’t had the drive to care for myself as I have been. For almost 5 years, I’ve thrown myself head first into my treatment and management routines. Always on top of things. Yet there are now large gaps in my glucose logs. And other lapses that just aren’t normal for me. Let alone healthy.
I finally admitted to myself and others that:
I’m Burned out and Overwhelmed, and that has led to Neglect in my self-care & management of the Diseases I live with, and has resulted in a great deal Self-loathing.
And I finally admitted to myself that I was going to have to take a step back from things in order to focus on trying to fix me. Which would explain the lack of activity here on the blog and the decline in my level of engagement in the DOC as of late. I’m still around, warming the bench a bit, but I’m around.
As I said during Diabetes Blog Week back in May, “Sometimes you have to get your affairs in order, before you try to change the world.” That has been my cause over the last two months.
At the end of May, I sat down and came up with a list of goals and a plan of action to get myself back on track. I wanted to focus two major areas: self care and my living space.
Under the umbrella of self care, I’ve been working on getting back to my diabetes management routine, making sure I’m getting the medications that are vital to my survival, and trying to make sure I’m eating healthy foods and getting some exercise. Oh, and trying to get more sleep.
To get started, I went back and dug out the management and meal plans my CDE gave me when I was diagnosed, and combined that information with the structured nutrition and exercise plans of Team Beachbody’s 21-Day Fix program. Hey, you’ve got to start somewhere, right? And I’ve been keeping a journal to track everything I eat, along with blood sugar checks at each meal, and medication doses and times.
I’ve essentially gone back to the beginning and started over. And so far, I’m seeing success again. I’ve lost 6 pounds over the last month and my blood sugars have been decent. My latest A1C was 7.3, but I’m OK with that. That’s a good number all things considered. And will no doubt be better next time around.
As for my living space, I’m working toward making my apartment a more peaceful and relaxing place to be in. That’s involving a major purge of things that I don’t need. It feels good to be getting rid of all of this stuff. Though, I must admit, it has been a bit difficult to let go of some things.
So, that’s where I am at the moment. I’m focusing on what’s important right now. Fixing me.
There’s still a lot of work to be done, and it’s taken nearly a year to get to this point, but I finally feel like the B.O.N.D.S. are breaking.
And for that, I’m thankful.
If you’d like more information about the 21-Day Fix program or have other questions, visit my sister Ashley’s page over at Team Beachbody.