Today’s Diabetes Blog Week topic is: What Brings Me Down
May is Mental Health Month so now seems like a great time to explore the emotional side of living with, or caring for someone with, diabetes. What things can make dealing with diabetes an emotional issue for you and / or your loved one, and how do you cope?
From a distance, I often seem to be the most upbeat and positive person around when it comes to my life with type 2 diabetes and congestive heart failure. Some would say that I make dealing with these conditions seem so easy. If they only knew the hell that I battle through each day, they’d see that there is nothing easy about it at all. And they’d also come to see that there is often a great deal of bitterness and resentment towards these conditions lurking just below the cheery disposition they are so used to seeing.
I hate the pain I experience each time a lancet or needle pierces my skin for a test. And I hate that my fingers bleed forever after a test because of the blood thinners I have to take because of my heart.
I hate that a lancet can be used until the damn steel pin breaks off, yet a test strip can only be used once. And I really can’t stand the fact that test strips cost so fucking much for us to buy, yet cost next to nothing for the manufacturers to produce. And don’t get me started on the blasted insurance companies telling us we can’t have them.
There are days that I truly hate knowing what life without diabetes is like. You definitely can miss what you do know to be possible. And I often feel so guilty knowing there are people who have never known what it’s like to be diabetes free.
I hate hearing about another child who has been diagnosed and cheated out of that experience, and hate hearing of another adult who has been stripped of the lives they once knew.
And my heart breaks a little more with each report of another life stolen by this god awful disease. I hate the fear that my own life, or that of my friends & family members could be taken in the same way.
I hate knowing that dear friends are hurting and going through hell because of this disease, and knowing that all I can do is offer a hug and the seemingly meaningless words “Hang in there.”
I hate being a problem solver and knowing that diabetes is one problem for which there is no solution.
Most of all, I just hate feeling so damn… helpless…