Diabetes, I Hate You!

Today’s Diabetes Blog Week topic is: What Brings Me Down
May is Mental Health Month so now seems like a great time to explore the emotional side of living with, or caring for someone with, diabetes. What things can make dealing with diabetes an emotional issue for you and / or your loved one, and how do you cope?

From a distance, I often seem to be the most upbeat and positive person around when it comes to my life with type 2 diabetes and congestive heart failure. Some would say that I make dealing with these conditions seem so easy. If they only knew the hell that I battle through each day, they’d see that there is nothing easy about it at all. And they’d also come to see that there is often a great deal of bitterness and resentment towards these conditions lurking just below the cheery disposition they are so used to seeing.

I hate the pain I experience each time a lancet or needle pierces my skin for a test. And I hate that my fingers bleed forever after a test because of the blood thinners I have to take because of my heart.

I hate that a lancet can be used until the damn steel pin breaks off, yet a test strip can only be used once. And I really can’t stand the fact that test strips cost so fucking much for us to buy, yet cost next to nothing for the manufacturers to produce. And don’t get me started on the blasted insurance companies telling us we can’t have them.

There are days that I truly hate knowing what life without diabetes is like. You definitely can miss what you do know to be possible. And I often feel so guilty knowing there are people who have never known what it’s like to be diabetes free.

I hate hearing about another child who has been diagnosed and cheated out of that experience, and hate hearing of another adult who has been stripped of the lives they once knew.

And my heart breaks a little more with each report of another life stolen by this god awful disease. I hate the fear that my own life, or that of my friends & family members could be taken in the same way.

I hate knowing that dear friends are hurting and going through hell because of this disease, and knowing that all I can do is offer a hug and the seemingly meaningless words “Hang in there.”

I hate being a problem solver and knowing that diabetes is one problem for which there is no solution.

Most of all, I just hate feeling so damn… helpless…

5 Comments

Jane

05/14/2014 at 6:24 am

Sometimes a hug and the words “Hang in there” are just what another person needs. I get as frustrated and helpless as you do especially when I consider other people’s plight. There are things we cannot change and there are those we can. Let’s focus on what we can do because no matter how small we think it is, it is an important thing for someone else.

Mike Hoskins

05/14/2014 at 8:05 am

That sense of helplessness and hopelessness is the very worst part for me; I can battle on and do what’s needed as long as my outlook is OK, but if not then all bets are off and I find myself slacking on D-management and the simple little things. People’s stories of hope inspire me in the darkest times, and help me see there is a light somewhere ahead even if I’m not sure how to get there. Sending you hugs and wishes, my friend, and I hope to see you soon.

Courtney (Pancreassassin)

05/14/2014 at 10:50 am

I agree with Jane. Sometimes “hang in there” is simple, but what I need to hear. I was diagnosed at 7, so I have some memories of life without diabetes. Distinctly, the memory of picking strawberries in the garden with my grandma pre-D and just popping a few in my mouth, still warm from the sun. Post-D I would try the same thing and she would remind me that it’s not snack time, and we should save them for later. I debate with myself if things would be easier if I couldn’t remember time before it. I’m still not sure. Knowing there are people out there who struggle with the same hopelessness I do makes it a little less lonely, a little more bearable. So, chin up, hang in there. You’ve got this. 🙂

Kelly Booth

05/14/2014 at 12:06 pm

I agree with the others, sometimes the “hang in there” does milestones. When you are sitting in a corner feeling all alone, having someone acknowledge they know you are suffering is a huge help!

Karen

05/14/2014 at 2:40 pm

I hate it too, and even more, I hate that you are feeling like this. I too have nothing to offer except a hug, but I send it with all my heart.

Jane

05/14/2014 at 6:24 am

Sometimes a hug and the words “Hang in there” are just what another person needs. I get as frustrated and helpless as you do especially when I consider other people’s plight. There are things we cannot change and there are those we can. Let’s focus on what we can do because no matter how small we think it is, it is an important thing for someone else.
Mike Hoskins

05/14/2014 at 8:05 am

That sense of helplessness and hopelessness is the very worst part for me; I can battle on and do what’s needed as long as my outlook is OK, but if not then all bets are off and I find myself slacking on D-management and the simple little things. People’s stories of hope inspire me in the darkest times, and help me see there is a light somewhere ahead even if I’m not sure how to get there. Sending you hugs and wishes, my friend, and I hope to see you soon.
Courtney (Pancreassassin)

05/14/2014 at 10:50 am

I agree with Jane. Sometimes “hang in there” is simple, but what I need to hear. I was diagnosed at 7, so I have some memories of life without diabetes. Distinctly, the memory of picking strawberries in the garden with my grandma pre-D and just popping a few in my mouth, still warm from the sun. Post-D I would try the same thing and she would remind me that it’s not snack time, and we should save them for later. I debate with myself if things would be easier if I couldn’t remember time before it. I’m still not sure. Knowing there are people out there who struggle with the same hopelessness I do makes it a little less lonely, a little more bearable. So, chin up, hang in there. You’ve got this. 🙂
Kelly Booth

05/14/2014 at 12:06 pm

I agree with the others, sometimes the “hang in there” does milestones. When you are sitting in a corner feeling all alone, having someone acknowledge they know you are suffering is a huge help!
Karen

05/14/2014 at 2:40 pm

I hate it too, and even more, I hate that you are feeling like this. I too have nothing to offer except a hug, but I send it with all my heart.