Diabetes,  Diabetes Blog Week,  Life,  Rants

I Hate You, Diabetes! – DBW Day 4

05/12/2011 /

Day four of Diabetes Blog Week is all about hating on diabetes.  The task is to come up with a list of 10 things that you hate about diabetes.  I had hoped to do a top ten video blog, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wouldn’t be able to make it through the list without crying on the video.  Hell, I couldn’t make it through writing the list without the waterworks. You should grab the tissues before continuing…

From a distance, I often seem to be the most upbeat and positive person around when it comes to my life with type 2 diabetes and congestive heart failure.  Some would say that I make dealing with these conditions seem so easy.  If they only knew the hell that I battle through each day, they’d see that there is nothing easy about it at all.  And they’d also come to see that there is often a great deal of bitterness and resentment towards these conditions lurking just below the cheery disposition they are so used to seeing.

I hate the pain I experience each time a lancet or needle pierces my skin for a test.  And I hate that my fingers bleed forever after a test because of the blood thinners I have to take because of my heart.

I hate that a lancet can be used until the damn steel pin breaks off, yet a test strip can only be used once.  And I really can’t stand the fact that test strips cost so fucking much for us to buy, yet cost next to nothing for the manufacturers to produce.

There are days that I truly hate knowing what life without diabetes is like.  You definitely can miss what you do know to be possible.  And I often feel so guilty knowing there are people who have never known what it’s like to be diabetes free.

I hate hearing about another child who has been diagnosed and cheated out of that experience, and hate hearing of another adult who has been stripped  of the lives they once knew.

And my heart breaks a little more with each report of another life stolen by this god awful disease.  I hate the fear that my own life, or that of my friends & family members could be taken in the same way.

I hate knowing that dear friends are hurting and going through hell because of this disease, and knowing that all I can do is offer a hug and the seemingly meaningless words “Hang in there.”

I hate being a problem solver and knowing that diabetes is one problem for which there is no solution.

Most of all, I just hate feeling so damn… helpless…

Living with a Confusing Pancreas and a Broken Heart at age 36 #Diabetes #LADA #CongestiveHeartFailure. #MakeDiabetesVisible Creator, #ALittleHeartCanDoBigThings Creator, Advocate, Blogger, Nature Photographer.

10 Comments

  • Mike Hoskins

    05/12/2011 at 7:08 am

    Thanks so much for this truly honest and heart-felt post, Mike. That helplessness is one of the toughest parts. For me, it evolved into a feeling of hopelessness as a teenager that really pushed me to not care and rebel. As it was something I’ve always known and probably always will, and the complication stories were ever-present, it just got to a point of “why bother.” I hate that it happens. But even though perceptions have changed and I’ve become more positive and owner-like over diabetes, this has always been my life. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have to “re-train” your brain and restructure life. That’s just cruel, and it makes me mad. In some ways, just as much or even more than a child newly-diagnosed.

  • Jeff

    05/12/2011 at 7:11 am

    I’m definitely with you on the problem-solving bit. (The whole list, really.) It sucks that this disease is so complicated and unpredictable that goal-oriented, problem-solving people — and that’s almost all of us — can’t really make our bodies behave the way we want them to.

  • Sysy

    05/12/2011 at 9:35 am

    “helpless” is one of the worst things to have to feel isn’t it? Sigh…you’re list is so heartfelt and true. Thanks for this, well done.

  • Tony DiPalma

    05/12/2011 at 1:36 pm

    Those are good reasons to hate diabetes but as I said in my post it is those hardships that bond us together and make us helpful to each other. Mike your words are a help to me and other out there. None of us should feel helpless.