25
May
Written by Mike on May 25th, 2012
This post was originally written in March 2011. At the time I was going through a rather rough bout of depression, was struggling to get a handle on things, and ultimately made the decision to seek help. Given that May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I thought this was worth another look.
In previous blog posts and conversations over the last two years, I’ve made no bones about the fact that I’ve battled with bouts of depression and anxiety since I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and type 2 diabetes.
The daily routines of medications, blood sugar testing, meal planning, and other related bullshit, combined with the constant worry of trying to figure out how to pay for all of those medications and testing supplies, are simply overwhelming at times.
Add to that all of the typical stuff that goes along with every day life, you know… work, bills, chores, relationships, etc… and you’ve got yourself a great big barrel of fun.
Then top that off with dealing with a loved one being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and going through all of the activities and emotions that go along with that, and being forced to put a near 9 year relationship on hold while your best friend becomes the primary caregiver for that loved one, and that great big barrel of fun transforms into the biggest clusterf*#K you’ve ever seen.
It’s all enough to destroy someone mentally. And the extreme mental hurt quickly manifests into extreme physical hurt. And you eventually reach a point where you just can’t take it anymore, and feel like throwing the towel in.
As difficult as it is for me to admit, I reached that point in the early part of February.
And the hard part is that I know it didn’t have to happen. I had a little bottle of “happy” pills in my possession that my doctor had given me the month before. I just wasn’t able to take them immediately, because I was starting a new blood sugar medication and had to get through the side effects of it before starting the other medicine.
And then when it was time to start the Celexa, I kept putting it off and putting it off, because of the fear that I’d have the same problems with it that I had with similar drugs years before. When you’ve had a bad experience with medications, or anything for that matter, you tend to shy away from them. It’s perfectly normal to have those feelings.
Things finally reached a point in early February where I knew I needed help, and knew that I had to take the plunge into the world of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications again. And so, on the 21st of last month, I broke the seal on the prescription bottle, cut the little pill in half as the doctor had instructed, and jumped.
Tomorrow, March 21st, will mark a month since I started the medication, and I can honestly say that I’m glad I did. I’m not nearly as edgy as I had been, and feel quite mellow most of the time. And mellow is a good thing.
Fast forward a year and two months and I find myself in the same place. The biggest difference this time around is that the loved one mentioned above lost her two year battle with cancer two weeks ago. And things have been going down hill since.
In the midst of trying to help April and her Dad deal with the fallout and scrambling to make new arrangements after others fell apart, caring for myself has taken a backseat. My whole routine has been completely FUBAR. Testing, medications, diet, you name it. It’s all out of whack.
Thankfully, I know what the issues are and what needs to be done to get back on track where the routine is concerned. And I’m taking steps to deal with the depression side of things. And what helps the most is knowing that others understand and are willing to listen. To all of you who’ve sent thoughts, prayers and well wishes, I thank you.
The moral of this story is the same now as it was a year ago: It’s OK to need help; You just have to ask for it!
14
May
Written by Mike on May 14th, 2012
Today is the first day of Diabetes Blog Week and the first prompt is all about sharing blogs that we think others may not know about and introducing them to the community.
The majority of the blogs that I read on a regular basis are well established and have been known to the community for quite some time. There are some blogs, however, that have been around for a while that don’t get the attention that I believe they deserve. Two of them come to mind immediately.
Joy Benchmarks is the blog of friend and fellow DOC member, Marie Smith. Marie was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in July 2011, and has lived with myasthenia gravis and thymoma cancer since 1998. Despite all of the challenges she’s faced, Marie has maintained a great attitude about all of it and has an awesome sense of humor. I had the pleasure of meeting Marie at the Chicago Diabetes EXPO last month. It was great experiencing her positive energy and sense of humor in person. So, take the time to visit her blog and get to know her story. You’ll be glad you did.
Tales of SWAGing is the blog of my dear friend, Ashley. Ashley’s blog started as an annoying assignment for an annoying college writing course, and it probably wouldn’t be around today had it not been for the inspiration Ashley found during Diabetes Blog Week. It’s been a joy to watch the development of Tales of SWAGing over the last 2 years, and it has definitely helped being able to read the experiences of a friend who also takes lizard spit (byetta). Thanks for sticking with it, Ash!
In short, if you’re not already reading these blogs, you should be.
Diabetes Blog Week: Day 1 Prompt: It seems the most popular thing about Diabetes Blog Week is that it helps us find blogs we weren’t reading yet and connect with some new blog friends. With that in mind, let’s kick off Diabetes Blog Week by making some new connections. Think about the d-blogs you read that you think we may not know about and introduce us to one that you love!! Let’s all find a new friend today! (Special thanks to Gina, everybody’s Diabetes BFF, for helping me title this post!)
11
May
Written by Mike on May 11th, 2012
This morning I woke to the little chirping sound my droid makes every time an email is received. Normally, I turn that off before going to bed, but didn’t get that done before I passed out last night. I reached for the phone, checked the email and found it was a DM from my buddy Mike Hoskins. He had a favor to ask and wondered if I’d be around during the day. I replied, “yeah, what’s up?”
Turns out he was heading north to Detroit for a JDRF function and couldn’t find a particular diabetes accessory that he really wanted for the outfit he planned to wear. And he knew that I had one because he saw me wearing it during the trip to Chicago last month. Since he was going to be driving through Fort Wayne any way, he figured it was worth a chance to ask if he could borrow mine.
But what was this accessory you ask? The Blue Circle pin.
Yes, as April put it, Mike sent me a message from 100+ miles away asking “dude, can I borrow your pin?” And, of course, I said “Absolutely!”
So, Mike and Riley the D-Dog made a stop here in Fort Wayne for a brief D-Meetup. We met at Panera Bread, of course, and had a nice chat about a lot of different things. It’s great being able to sit down with dear friends and catch up like that.
And before we went our separate ways, I removed my pin from the collar of my shirt and gave it to him. And that was that.
Mike has a Blue Circle pin for his outfit, I have a funny story about a friend who drove 100+ miles to borrow a pin, and we both have the memory of another d-meetup.
Good times!
9
May
Written by Mike on May 9th, 2012
The 3rd annual Diabetes Blog Week is quickly approaching and I’ve signed up to participate once again. For more information and to sign up, click the link below and head over to Karen’s Bitter-Sweet Diabetes blog.
Click for more info.
Many thanks to Karen for organizing this great event for our community again this year.
1
May
Written by Mike on May 1st, 2012
Today is the day after I completed the Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge and there’s one last thing to do: Recap HAWMC.
Recap HAWMC. You did it! 30 posts in 30 days. Which was your favorite prompt? Which was the most difficult? Which ideas will you reuse? Who was your favorite fellow blogger?
HAWMC ended yesterday and I’m proud to say that I completed it this time around. I had 30 posts in 30 days. Granted, I didn’t follow all of the prompts and had to play catch up a few times, but I took no passes. And I’m feeling quite accomplished.
I like about half of the posts that I wrote and think most of them are worth another look. Some were written on catch up days, so I know they were missed by some. So, I’ve listed them below. Take a few minutes to check them out.
Favorites
Day 3: The Ability to Control Time
Day 4: It Helps Someone
Day 5: Learning to Fly Again
Day 7: There’s More to Life
Day 9: Keep Calm
Day 10: Dear Mike
Day 11: A Theme Song
Day 14: A Pretty Cool Day
Day 16: Take This Pin and Blog It!
Day 17: Good Things Come from Bad Situations
Day 20: Chicago Diabetes Expo 2012
Day 24: A Recipe for a Mascot
Day 25: The Day We Met
Day 26: A Little Heart
As for favorite bloggers? Well, I’ve enjoyed all of the posts that I’ve read. It would be unfair to choose any one over another. Kudos to everyone who participated in HAWMC and congrats to everyone who made it through all 30 days.
And in the words of Porky Pig, “That’s all folks!”
